My truth part 2

ive missed something in my post of my truth. in fact i have missed something in my life, in everything i do.

Me

i always do things for other people or to get something out of it. but never done it for myself.
i still connect things to other people and not seeing that I am responsible for what happens in my life.
What i feel has nothing to do with other people, its all me.

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to belive that people around me cause reactions within me.

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to blame other people for what happenes inside of me.

i forgive myself that i have not allowed myselfto realize that i am the casue of what i feel.

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to fear the implication of i am resposible for what happens to me, because then i have no excuse, because i caused it, so i can change it.

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to belive that i dont deserve to feel, because of what i have done in my past.

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to supress myself, because i dont want to face myself.

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to abuse myself, because i deserve it.

so when my mother died, i made the chioce to never feel again. but what i actually did was make a choice to never experience me again.

so i seperated myself from everything around me.
i belived that i am unable to do anything and that i need another to be able to do something.

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to belive that i am unable to do anything alone.

i am alone now and im busy with bringing it all back to me.
realizing that i am indeed capable of being alone and to do things alone.
im just being here and breathing, experiencing myself. accepting myself.

i am my own creator.

lol